


Force Blind

by BubbaKnowlton



Series: Evil Space Dads [6]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BOY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOR, Dad AU, Hux doesn't care about his own health, Insomnia, Lots of tears, M/M, Past Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Suicidal Ideation, anakin fucks up everything, antidepressants, anxiety and depression, force ghost problems, i did lots of research for this + based off myself lmao, mildly force sensitive baby, vomitting, xeno hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 06:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8001664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbaKnowlton/pseuds/BubbaKnowlton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a while since Anakin watched over his grandson after the events of Starkiller, and he appears. Drawn to the wrong force signature, he discovers his great-grandson, an infant that can apparently see him.<br/>Hux struggles to be a good parent while dealing with severe postpartum depression and anxiety, while not knowing that it's not a lone experience and believing himself a terrible person, while hiding how awful he's felt for three months from Kylo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Force Blind

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY. this was supposed to be a short thing where Anakin showed up, met his grandkid who could see him, a few silly scenes, and boom, finished, but NO.  
> Instead this fic is personal/a coping mechanism to me and all of Hux's thoughts/actions are based heavily upon my own depression, anxiety, and paranoia. (also before you ask 'why didnt kylo know??' its because Hux has mental shields he's kept them up for months)  
> So sorry if Hux comes off as OOC its just based on my own breakdowns and the one time I almost attempted suicide (y'all that wasn't fun), and also a Ton of research on PPD sites to get accurate.  
> The only thing I'm not sure is accurate is the ending because I've never treated my depression/problems :'^), so I'm not that knowledgable on how medication works  
> Another Dad AU because this fic is a coping mechanism, and i use dad aus as coping mechanisms because i Need to be able to see/think about terrible people being able to be decent parents. plus some unreality aspects as coping mechanisms to.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy :^) !!!

**Force Blind**

"There you go, Deimos." Kylo set down his son in his crib and smiled at him. "I've got to go on a mission, ok? Your papa will be here to watch over you in a few minutes when his shift ends, so don't go anywhere." The infant just stared up at him, wriggling his limbs. "Heh, you can't even use your stubby little legs properly, you're helpless and immobile. The only thing you can do is wave your fat little arms."

" _Ren, you do realize I can hear everything through the baby monitor, right?_ " Came a static-y version of Hux's voice from somewhere. Kylo startled and Deimos made a pleased noise at the sound of his other parent's voice. "Stop making fun of our son just because he can't understand you yet."

"What the- since when did this thing have a comm?!" Sure enough, on the white device strapped to the side of the crib, there was a little speaker. A little green light was next to it, he presumed that showed when it was in use. "Oh, right there. Do you talk to him through it in your office?"

" _ **No** , I've never used it before except for testing to make sure it worked._"

It was extremely amusing to listen to Hux when he got flustered about being overprotective of their son. He'd fervently deny it when confronted, but it was pretty obvious. This new revelation was almost as cute as the time he'd caught Hux humming to Deimos.

" _Well that's besides the point. It's cruel to make fun of him even if he can't understand words yet._ "

Deimos never seemed affected by anything he said other than his tone of voice, so it didn't hurt, and his teasing wasn't even that bad. The baby's only reaction was to make a noise in response or to wiggle. "I tease him because I love him."

" _What kind of awful reasoning is that? I suppose my father must have loved me very much, then._ " The green light next to the speaker shut off. 

The only unamusing thing about Hux's overprotectiveness was where it stemmed from; Hux's intense desire to be nothing like his father. Where Kylo did occasionally look back at how Ben Solo's father was and take some inspiration (minus the whole 'not being there the majority of the time' thing), Hux looked at what his father would have done and did the exact opposite for everything. Some of it was good, but Kylo did fear other aspects would start to have negative effects on Deimos as he grew, and on Hux as well, who was forcing himself to be a 'good' parent instead of letting things come to him naturally.

"I'm leaving now, little buddy! I'll be back in a few days, be good for Hux and don't throw up all over his uniform again when he overfeeds you."

The green light came back. " _I don't overfeed him!_ "

"Bye to you too, Hux. Don't miss me too much."

-

_I haven't checked in on my grandson in a while,_ Anakin thought to himself in the limbo of the Force. He'd stopped checking on Kylo after the whole Starkiller debacle, feeling guilty because of it. But that was a few years ago, things were much more settled now. He went to the _Finalizer_ , where he could sense the strong force presence of his grandson, and then to the first spot of 'force sensitivity' he could find.

Which was not his grandson, apparently. He appeared in what looked empty living quarters. There was no one visibly in the room, except for a small orange creature asleep on the bed. It certainly wasn't his grandson's quarters, as there was a desk covered in datapads and paperwork, a coat hanging off of the chair next to it. His grandson definitely did not have any pets, either. Since the quarters looked much too luxurious for a normal officers', with one bed and lots of room, it must have been the General's.

Kylo worked alongside some redhead Anakin hadn't bothered to learn the name of. The General certainly wasn't force sensitive, and the animal on the bed wasn't either, so why had he been drawn to this room?

A small gurgling noise had him looking past the bed, at another piece of furniture in the room. Was that a crib? Anakin walked over to it. It definitely was, even if it looked like a miniature jail cell, made of black metal.

There was a baby inside of it, and Anakin was momentarily shocked. Why was there a baby on a First Order ship? In the General's room of all things? Then he realized the force presence was coming from the infant. He got a better look at the baby and realized it looked suspiciously very much like his grandson. It glared up at him, blue eyes looking more angry than a baby should have been capable of.

"Oh. _Oh._ " He suddenly realized it must have been his great-grandchild. That would explain the force sensitivity and resemblance. Maybe he really should have come back sooner, then he would have known that somehow his grandson managed to reproduce.

He couldn't tell how old the kid was, having never been around infants long enough to tell.

Then he realized something else. The kid was glaring _at_ him. It could see him. He put his hand into the crib and waved it. The baby's gaze followed, and it made an unhappy noise. The sound was startling, slightly demonic, almost.

Anakin was kind of glad he never had to raise any infants, this one was freaking him out and he'd barely been near it for two minutes.

"What's your name, little guy?" Oh, right, it couldn't respond properly. It made another noise in response to him talking. So not only could it see him, it could hear him as well. Interesting. He'd never heard of anything like this. Maybe force sensitive babies could see force ghosts? He'd have to come back throughout the kid's life to see how long it lasted before he had to will himself to be seen. He'd come not wanting to be spotted, after all.

Although he supposed it would worry his grandson and whoever the other parent was if one day the kid started talking about seeing a glowing blue man. Speaking of the other parent, he wondered who it was. They must have had blue eyes, whoever they were, since that was the only trait the baby had that clearly wasn't Kylo's.

Well, he had blue eyes himself, it must have been passed down. Or else they would have been brown. Basic genetics.

Since they were in the General's quarters, that meant...

The door slid open. "Deimos? I'm here." Ah, and there was the General, looking like he'd rushed to the room. Anakin wasn't sure how he was the other parent, but then he pushed that aside. He knew nothing about the General, he couldn't just assume his species and gender by looks. He only knew the ginger's pronouns because his grandson used to complain about him.

A lot.

They'd hated each other, how did they end up with a kid?

And what kind of name was Deimos? Deimos Skywalker sounded not that great. Although he doubted they used his last name. Deimos Organa? Deimos Solo? Or something else? Deimos Ren? That sounded better than the others.

What was the General's name again? Hux? That sounded right.

Hux went to the crib, and Anakin moved. Even though he knew Hux would just phase right through him, it still was habit to move out of the way. Plus, he was sure the kid wouldn't have liked seeing two people intersecting. That would be traumatizing.

The General smiled down at the baby as he picked it up, though it looked forced. "Ren's gone so we'll just have each other for a few days, isn't that nice? Peace and quiet at last!"

Ouch. Anakin felt bad for Kylo. He couldn't be that bad.

"So there'll be no more insulting you or putting you in harm's way, alright? I'll be able to take care of you properly without him questioning my methods every three minutes."

Anakin took back the pang of sympathy for his grandson. Insulting and putting a small child in danger was bad parenting. So was preventing proper care, whatever that was. Surely babies weren't that high maintenance. He'd stick around and see.

Something also seemed off about the General as well. He looked too nervous, his cheery tone obviously fake. He was clearly uncomfortable holding the baby, but also seemed to be willing himself to enjoy it. A quick glance at his thoughts revealed he was berating himself for not having the right emotions about his child, not being happy and relieved to see him after his long hours away.

Deimos, being force sensitive, would eventually pick up on those feelings or already was, Anakin thought. It wouldn't be good in the long run.

-

Deimos wasn't even looking at him while he spoke, and Hux already felt terrible. It really was nonsense he was spilling. 'Proper care', he couldn't even feel right about his child, how was he supposed to take care of him correctly? How was he supposed to last four days without Kylo to tell him when he was being too overbearing or humiliating himself? He'd done research two months ago, on some forum holosite, he was supposed to be happy about being a parent, not regretful. He'd wanted Deimos, so why did that change as soon as he was born?

Maybe he really wasn't cut out to be a parent. He should have just ordered a nanny droid like Kylo kept suggesting, instead of shooting it down just because his own father had stuck him with a droid and ignored him. Kylo probably knew what he was talking about, he was so much better with Deimos than he was.

"Are you hungry, Deimos?" He'd stopped by during his lunch break to feed him, only to be shoved away when Kylo said he'd just given Deimos a bottle, but that was hours ago. He wasn't sure if Kylo had given him anymore formula at all, or how much he'd given him during the day. Kylo _did_ say he'd overfeed him. Did that mean he'd eaten recently? Or was it just another criticism? Hux thought he fed him a normal amount, until he pulled away or fell asleep. Deimos wouldn't eat if he was full, surely.

He went to the bed and laid Deimos in the middle of it on his stomach. He'd done a little more research and it'd said babies needed to practice lifting their heads so they could learn to sit up independently. Deimos was almost four months old, after all. He could roll himself over and push himself up with his arms. He wasn't completely immobile like Kylo had teased him about.

Pulling off the outer top layers of his uniform, Hux sighed. All he did was think about negative, anxiety inducing things around Deimos. What kind of influence was he? Maybe he'd never be happy around him like he wanted to be, like Kylo was. When Kylo came back, Hux decided, he'd let Deimos spend the majority of his time with his father. He'd stop coming by during his breaks, and let Kylo handle him in the mornings and evenings when Hux was in the room. That would be better.

For now, Deimos would just have to suffer a few days with him.

Once he was down to his undershirt, Hux sat on the bed and lifted Deimos back up, who in the short amount of time he was on the bed, rolled over onto his back. Hux felt like he should have been proud of that, but didn't feel anything but disappointment in himself.

At least feeding Deimos made him feel like he was doing _something_ for the baby, and Deimos always looked content as he ate. Bottle feeding never got him looking as peaceful. At least, not when Hux did it. He hadn't watched Kylo feed him before. His thoughts going back to Kylo had him hesitating in pulling down the shirt so Deimos could get access. Kylo had made a comment before that Deimos couldn't have been getting enough nutrients from him because of how little he had himself. Maybe the formula was better after all.

He put Deimos down again and got up to go make a bottle. At least now Deimos would be getting a proper amount of both nutrients and milk. That was more important than what made him happier, his son's health.

-

There was _definitely_ something off about the General, Anakin concluded. It was clear to see he was desperately trying to be normal, to the point where it was hurting him mentally and a bit physically, but just couldn't. Anakin felt like he'd heard of this before, a new parent being unable to feel anything positive after birth, but didn't know the exact name. Hux, it seemed, had never heard of such a thing at all, and thought he was singular in his experience, and horrible for it. Anakin was sure if he just searched 'depressed after birth' on the HoloNet, he'd find a solution. Tips. Medication recommendations, maybe.

He was getting mixed thoughts about his grandson from Hux. On one hand, he'd said that Kylo had some potentially strong faults, but on the other hand, his internal belief was that Kylo was a much better parent than he ever could be.

Anakin thought he should just get the droid. Droids were great, loyal companions. R2 and Threepio had always been great due to excellent programming and experience, surely Hux could just purchase a nanny droid with good programming. A model with 'personality' and a large database, perhaps a used one that had raised happy, healthy children before.

It would give Hux a basis to work off of, the droid could give him instructions and advice instead of just doing everything itself, if he was so worried about being like his father.

After Deimos finished the bottle, Anakin watched as Hux removed all his outer layers of clothing and boots, grabbed a datapad and a few other items, and sat on the bed. He made a loose ring with his legs, and put Deimos in it, along with a few toys. Then he focused on the datapad, occasionally looking up to check on the baby, or to dangle a toy or move Deimos back to the center when he rolled to his leg.

Anakin moved over to see what Hux was looking at. He wasn't typing much, mostly scrolling. It was a website about childcare, specifically games to play with a three month old. As he bent over to look, Deimos stared at him, making an intrigued noise. Hux looked up, and brought the toy in his hand to the baby, and Anakin could feel some relief come off of him. _He's not refusing to look at me anymore, good..._

Anakin was glad Hux was unable to hear him because he blurted out, "He's looking at me, not you!"

That startled Deimos, who heard it loud and clear, however, and he started crying. Hux's face fell. "Deimos?" He put down the toy, thinking that had been the cause. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" He set down the datapad and lifted the baby up. "Don't cry, I'm sorry..."

Since it was his fault, Anakin tried to help by reaching out for Deimos. "Hey, I didn't mean to startle you, kid."

That only made it worse. Deimos wailed louder, chubby face going red. Anakin had never been good with crying, so he backed away. He'd only wanted to help!

"Please, don't cry..." Hux brought the baby closer, rocking him. He frowned, coming to a vastly incorrect conclusion, "Are... are you afraid of me?"

"Pfassk, I'm such an idiot!" Anakin slapped a hand over his mouth after he yelled again. Deimos squirmed, continuing to cry at the top of his little lungs. Hux took it as a yes to his question. Anakin could practically hear his heart breaking. He could sense it well enough.

"I-" Hux clearly didn't know what to do, looking around. "Ren-!" He remembered Kylo was gone. "No, he's not here..." Desperate, he pleaded, "Deimos, don't be scared of me. Please! I'm sorry! ...ah, right, you can't understand me-"

Kriff, he'd ruined everything.

-

_Of course_ Deimos hated him. Swallowing past a lump in his throat, Hux fully regretted not buying a nanny droid. If only he had, then Deimos wouldn't be absolutely terrified. He wasn't going to last four days without Kylo.

Since Deimos was scared of him, the only solution to his crying would have to be to put him back in his crib and stay out of his sight. Hux did so, and grabbed an extra blanket to hang over the side, blocking Deimos' view. He grabbed the datapad off of the bed and then slumped down in front of the crib. As expected, Deimos calmed down.

He searched on the HoloNet for a nanny droid, like he should have done when Deimos was born and he realized he had no positive feelings about parenting when faced with the reality of it. He found one that looked decent, used but in good condition, with a 'loving' and 'playful' personality with lots of adaptability and programmed with the latest database of childcare. He placed the order for it, using credits from Ren's account. It had been Ren's idea after all, and Deimos was more so his responsibility, caring about him like a normal person. They'd used Hux's credits for baby supplies, after all. That was a good compromise, Hux thought. He'd pay for everything Deimos needed, minus the droid, and Kylo could take care of him.

That was selfish, Hux realized. But it was better than nothing, even if he was sounding more and more like his father. At least he wasn't leaving Deimos to just a droid, he'd have Kylo the majority of the time.

And Millicent. So he'd have a non-droid companion when he was older.

That would work out well, Deimos would be better off without him. Kylo was probably sick of him being around Deimos, too. He'd noticed how strained their relationship had gotten ever since their son was born.

-

Hux stayed sitting on the floor by the crib, now using his datapad for work. After a while, he'd had the lights shut up. His face was illuminated by the dim lighting of the datapad. His insomnia had resurfaced in all it's strength two months ago, as if it was the few years before Starkiller again. He'd doze occasionally throughout the night, but never actually get any real sleep. So he'd use that time to do extra work. There were always more reports to review, problems to look at, meetings to prepare for, things to graph and file.

It was probably killing him in the long run, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

-

He didn't get any sleep at all, but even though he was exhausted, he forced himself to get up and get ready for the day. He pulled on his uniform after a few minutes in the refresher, and gelled his hair. Then he fed and changed Deimos, feeling dejected when the baby looked unhappy to see him. He really did hate him now, then. 

Still, Hux wasn't going to leave him in his crib all day. He was too worried about him. So he bundled him up the best he could, the rest of the ship was cold, and put him into a sling. He turned it outwards instead of inwards so Deimos wouldn't have to look at him.

No one seemed outwardly fazed that the General was carrying around a child, so everything proceeded the same as normal. A transmission came in second shift from Kylo's shuttle, a mission status update saying everything was going well and according to schedule. At lunch, he gave Deimos another bottle, growing concerned when he refused to drink more than a fifth of it. He'd never refused an offering of food before.

He forced himself to believe it was just because Deimos didn't like being with him, and not because he was sick. His temperature felt normal, and his complexion didn't look any different, he just looked grumpy. As soon as his break was over, he put Deimos back in the carrier and went back to the bridge. 

-

"Hey, did you see how tired General Hux looked alpha shift?"

"Yeah, I guess parenting does take a lot out of you." 

"Poor guy. It's Ren's kid, too, so it probably screams all night."

"Yikes. It'll be tearing up the ship when it's older, then, huh?"

"If we haven't won the war by then, definitely."

-

Near the end of his final shift Deimos started whimpering as Hux absentmindedly rubbed his head, which Anakin could sense Deimos was very relaxed by before he screwed up again. Realizing his 'mistake', Hux hurriedly dropped his hand.

"Pfassk!" Anakin had made the real mistake of walking through a passing lieutenant in front of a now horrified Deimos. If only he had paid attention to his surroundings, then his great-grandson wouldn't be losing his maternal parent and getting frightened. Although in the long run he suspected Hux would have given up anyways. He'd just sped up the process.

A few officers glanced over at the sound of Deimos, giving some pitying looks. Running through their thoughts revealed the general belief was that Hux was dealing with a fussy child. Not true, Deimos seemed to be a calm and easy one, just difficult when he was upset.

Like now.

Because of Anakin.

He was ruining his great-grandson's young life and possibly also his grandson's relationship by continuing to freak out Deimos and lower Hux's already low confidence. It wasn't his intention of course, but it was still happening. Anakin decided he'd stop watching over them for a few days. He'd come back after his grandson returned, maybe later.

-

Hux went through the same routine as last cycle when his shift was over, with minor adjustments. He set Deimos down in his crib and took a few minutes to himself in his 'fresher, and came out in sleepwear. He refilled Millicent's food and water. Then he made a bottle of formula and picked up Deimos. Much like during lunch break, the baby didn't eat all of it, only half. That was better than nothing, Hux tried to convince himself. After discarding of the contents of the bottle, he sighed. Maybe Deimos refused to eat because he had to look at him while doing so. That made sense with how things were going.

He probably needed to eat something too. He didn't have an appetite, hadn't in weeks, but it wouldn't be good if he collapsed when he was the only person to look after Deimos. Kylo would be disappointed in him, get sick of him sooner. He ordered a ration to be sent to his room.

While he waited for it, he changed Deimos and put him into a fresh onesie. Then he laid him down in his crib.

The small meal arrived and Hux forced himself to eat it all. Then he settled down in front of the crib again, datapad in hand.

-

"-Hux. Hey, Hux!" He was woken up by someone poking him. Hux wasn't sure when he'd dozed off, but probably recently based on how exhausted he felt. He looked at who was talking to him.

"Ren?" Sure enough, the Knight was grinning down at him, Deimos in the crook of his arm. "You aren't supposed to be back for three more days!"

"Finished the mission early."

"Oh."

"Why are you on the floor?" Kylo pulled him up. "Don't make that a thing. You own a bed for a reason."

"I was worried about Deimos."

"Hux, you're literally four feet away on the bed. If you take off this blanket you can see right into the crib. We bought bars for a reason."

He couldn't think of anything to say back that wouldn't make him seem irrational. He couldn't just say 'I thought he didn't want to look at me', Kylo would laugh at him.

His face must have looked ashamed, because Kylo laughed anyways. "You need to stop worrying so much. I'll be here to sense anything so sleep on the bed tonight. You know what, how about you take a day off?"

"What?"

"Hux, you look exhausted. You can stay here and sleep on the bed with Deimos, and I'll go do co-commander stuff in your place."

"No!" His voice came out too loud. "Ah... You just came back from a mission, you shouldn't take over my job. Besides, Deimos probably forgot who you were. You need to reestablish yourself in his memories."

"Hux, that's pathetic."

Was he really pathetic? He swallowed, turning away. "Well-"

"There's no way he forgot me after just over a day. He should be able to recognize us by now."

"Infants have poor memory, Ren. It's a developmental fact."

Kylo rolled his eyes. "And you scold me for teasing."

"I'm correct. You're wrong about him being immobile, he can roll himself."

"Really?"

"Yes. Put him on his stomach and he'll push himself over. Don't let him fall off the bed."

Kylo was intrigued. "Alright. Come on, kiddo. Make me proud."

-

Hux tried to ease into the new routine of 'let Ren take responsibility for Deimos because he's a natural' by showing up for lunch the first day Kylo was back, but only giving Deimos a bottle and then leaving. He avoided the evening by working later in his office and then going straight to bed when he got back and went through his evening routine, minus fussing over Deimos. Kylo seemed happy that he was getting rest, even if he just laid there with his eyes shut, unable to sleep.

The next day, he didn't show up during his break, but sent a message instead. 'Make sure to feed him. -A. Hux' He repeated the last evening, ignoring Kylo's happy quip of 'You're finally resting like a normal person!'

The droid arrived two days later with a cargo shipment, the same day Kylo was supposed to come back from his mission. He signed off on it and had two troopers carry it to his quarters while he followed, saying he was taking his break early.

When they arrived at his quarters, Kylo was there tending to Deimos. The baby was laughing as Kylo floated him with the force a foot over his hands. Hux dismissed the troopers after they set down the box. He held back the urge to tell Kylo to stop using the force on Deimos. Their son looked happy, and Kylo wouldn't purposefully endanger him, so it had to be somewhat safe. He hated the feeling of jealously that bubbled up, and struggled to repress it.

"What's that?" Kylo asked, slowly lowering Deimos onto the bed.

"Something I ordered." Hux opened the box and pulled the front flap off. He tipped the rest of it back, revealing the droid inside. It was waist height.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "Is that a droid?"

"Yes, a nanny droid. It's an older model, used, but it works well and has the latest database installed."

"...I was joking when I said we should get one, Hux."

He'd said it eleven times, Hux had counted. Two were to Deimos, one to Phasma, and the rest to his face. He'd overheard the three, and was mildly paranoid that he'd said it more. Hux didn't understand how it was a joke.

"We own it now."

"Hux, we don't actually need it."

He put his hands on top of the droid's head to keep them from shaking. "It's here, we can't let it go to waste. It can help you out. Look after Deimos while you're training, keep an eye on him during the night, help out in the morning, take care of him while you're on missions."

" _You_ take care of him while I'm on missions."

"I need to work, Ren. He wasn't happy being stuck in a sling for so long. It stresses him out." A quick excuse.

Kylo took it. "Hmm, I guess that's true. I have been neglecting my full training. Start it up."

Hux pulled the cover off the back of the droid's head and hit the power button. The droid whirred to life. Its eyes flickered to life and it looked around. Hux reattached the cover.

"I am ND-95, hello!" The droid's voice was clear and cheery.

"It sounds really human. What the hell, Hux?" 

The droid jumped into a hearty explanation, "I am programmed to sound authentic so that the children I raise learn to speak clearly! If you wish for me to have a certain accent, then look through my options and chose one! If you wish for me to speak another or a different language than basic, then look through my options and chose one!"

"Hux, I don't like this thing."

"You may call me Andy! My previous owner dubbed me that so that her daughter would see me as more lifelike!" The droid offered.

Hux took his hands off of the droid, clasping them behind his back. "Alright, Andy," he wasn't sure why he was agreeing to the droid's nickname, but said it anyways. "You'll be assisting Ren with caring for our son, Deimos. He's 14 and a half weeks old, and is 75% human, and seems to have the same anatomy as one. He also may be force sensitive, like Ren."

"I do not have anything in my database about force sensitivity... I will adapt as he grows!" It rolled over to Deimos, stretching its neck to look at him. "Hello there! I am Andy! I will be your secondary caretaker!"

Deimos seemed fascinated by ND-95, and reached for it. The droid obliged, letting the baby touch its face. "We will have lots of fun together, Deimos! We will be great friends!"

Kylo gave Hux a look. "Do we really need to keep it?"

"Deimos likes Andy already, Ren. Besides, Andy is programmed to know what to expect at certain ages. We won't have to use the HoloNet anymore. If he starts displaying any odd behaviors, then Andy will tell us what could be going on. Say... refusal to eat, despite looking normal."

"Stress!" ND-95 chimed. "A common cause unrelated to illness."

"Well, I need to return to work. Don't do anything bad to the droid."

-

The droid lasted until the evening, which was a good sign. It was also playing with Deimos on the floor, a few blankets laid out, toys on top. Millicent lounged on the side, batting at the arm of some furry stuffed alien. It looked like a misshapen wookie. 

The scene looked rather nice, so Hux was careful not to get Deimos' attention at all. Kylo wasn't in the room, so Hux guessed he was training. At least that meant he trusted the droid enough to watch Deimos, ordering the droid hadn't been a total mistake. He'd been worried Kylo would take offense to his insistence that he keep it. He already did enough wrong in his eyes.

He saw that Millicent's food and water were refilled already. So the droid was useful for more than just childcare. There was probably a minor subprogram for pet care installed as well. Thankfully the droid kept Deimos occupied with some dangling toy while he got ready for the evening. 

"Andy, report."

"Today went great, Mr. Hux! Your husband let me help with looking after Deimos, and followed all of my advice! I mixed formula myself for him a few hours ago, and Mr. Ren wanted to work out and left Deimos in 'my primary care until Hux came back.' We've been playing games to build up his motor skills and arm strength!"

"That's...good. Ren didn't threaten you at all?"

"No, he was very polite, if somewhat dismissing of me for an hour. He grew used to me, so it's forgiven."

The droid would be a positive influence in Deimos' life, Hux was sure. "Continue to keep him in your primary care until Ren returns. If Ren isn't here, even if I am, in the future, his primary care will be from you. I'll be going to bed. You're free to keep the lights on and be as loud as you wish, I won't be bothered."

"Noted, Mr. Hux!"

"Just call me General."

"Noted, General. Have you eaten?"

"...yes" Why lie to a droid? 

"Oh, that's too bad. Mr. Ren had a nutrition bar for me to give to you."

"I'll take it." Ren would be able to tell he was avoiding eating, where the droid could not.

-

His pretend sleep was disturbed a few minutes after he heard the door open and slide shut. ND-95 had put Deimos in his crib, and was plugged into a charging port next to it. The lights went up. The refresher door was opened, and soon enough Hux was being smothered by a heavy weight.

"Look at you, going to sleep normally. Did you eat?" Kylo laid on top of him. His chest pressed against Hux's shoulder blades. Hux regretted laying on his stomach, Kylo loved to act as a human blanket whenever he did. It was probably to get back for the amount of times Hux had used him like a pillow during his pregnancy.

It wasn't his fault Kylo was the perfect thing to put his stomach and one leg on top of out of everything on the ship. Kylo had seemed to enjoy it anyways, except for when Deimos had kicked at the side on top of Kylo, making Kylo feel it.

"Yes. The droid gave me the bar."

"That's good. Did I wake you up?"

"You're going to wake the baby up with all your chatter, Ren. You're squishing me."

He didn't move off. Instead, he just placed his forehead against Hux's temple. His nose pressed onto him uncomfortably. "Droid's pretty good. Kept Deimos happy, changed and bathed him, told me I've been holding him incorrectly. Not too badly, but you know, enough so that he was much happier when I was doing it right." Hux hated the feeling of his warm breath right into his ear. "Have it teach you tomorrow."

Hux made no plan to. He would have no need. Hopefully, regretfully, he would never pick up Deimos again. "Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't speak and breath directly into my ear."

"Sorry."

-

Deimos had just turned 17 weeks old when Kylo was off on another, longer mission, that would take two weeks exactly. Hux had completely weaned out of caring for their child, so ND-95 was perfectly fine when Hux told it it would be Deimos' primary caretaker until Kylo returned. Deimos had looked happy when the droid carted him off to go play more developmental games and get _true_ proper care.

Although he supposed he was glad that his son was happy and being cared for correctly, he couldn't help but feel even worse every day. He refused to check in with ND-95, or to even look at Deimos' crib if he could help it, removing the baby monitor and stuffing it in the closet, trying to stifle any feelings. He was a terrible parent, he convinced himself, Deimos was so better off without him to hinder his young life.

He felt weak and shaky all the time. Malnutrition and exhaustion were eating away at him, and he'd snapped at a Lieutenant who'd commented on his appearance. A few days later, when the incident repeated with a different officer, he'd prodded at himself while looking in a mirror, resolving to dig out his old concealer to hide the bags under his eyes, at least. Not much he could do for how pale he was. He fixed his hair and sighed, then headed to a budget meeting.

The budge meeting never happened, and he woke up to a blindingly white light above him. Blinking, he realized he was in the medbay. There was an IV line in his arm. A medic approached him when she noticed he was awake.

"General, how are you feeling?"

"What happened?"

"You collapsed in the hallway, sir. A few troopers brought you in when you wouldn't wake up. You're heavily undernourished, dehydrated, and sleep-deprived. We put you on a drip two hours ago. I suggest that you stay here for the rest of the day."

"Unacceptable. Take it out, I have work to do."

"Sir, it's for your own good."

"That was an order."

"You'll just collapse again, sir, and start facing larger consequences. Stay for a few more hours, at least. If you're compromised, then..." She grasped for an excuse. "Then who will take care of your child?"

A flare of anger, "I have a fine droid already doing that for me. I will be leaving _immediately._ "

Reluctantly she nodded and took out the line. She signed him out and returned his greatcoat, and then he was off. "Make sure to rest, eat, and rehydrate, sir." He ignored the demand and set off to find someone who could tell him what he missed.

-

Out of spite he tried to eat a normal meal and a glass of water, only to find himself throwing up in his refresher just ten minutes later. ND-95 asked after him worriedly, optics dimming in concern. He supposed, as he spat sick in the toilet, that it was concerned he could pass a potential illness to the baby. He stayed shaking over the toilet for a few minutes, catching his breath. 

"General, are you ill?" ND-95 stood at the doorway, metal hands devoid of a child. It must have put the baby down before rolling over.

"N-no, I ate too fast, that's all."

"Oh, I see!" ND-95 went back to wherever Deimos was and chirped, "Isn't that good, Deimos? The General is not sick, he is just feeling the same way you do when Dad feeds you too much too quickly."

"...did Ren ask you to call him Dad?"

"Yes! I am to refer to him as Kylo, and when speaking to Deimos, I am to call him Dad! I just call you the General or General Hux."

He wasn't sure why, but that made him _upset_. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he bit his lip to keep from making any noise. He really _was_ completely removed from Deimos' life now. The only thing they shared was half of Deimos' DNA, and the same room to sleep in. Deimos got his title and last name to know him as, while Kylo got to be just his dad. What did he expect, really? He didn't deserve to be Deimos' parent, there was no way his son would refer to him as such when he was older.

To try and distract himself he took longer cleaning out his mouth than he normally would have, and took another shower. He went straight to his bed after pulling on a pair of briefs.

"General, are you alright? I received a message that you were in the medbay earlier. Did you receive any medication or care tips I can assist you with?"

"Rest, food, and drink."

"You did eat and drink... I will let you sleep! Do alert me if you feel unwell during the night, I will call for a medical team if needed, or aid you the best I can."

"That won't be necessary, Andy, I'll be fine."

The droid didn't believe him, but followed orders, playing with Deimos quietly, shushing him whenever he screeched too loud, with a quick, "General Hux needs to rest, hush!"

Later, as ND-95 put Deimos in his crib after rocking him and humming the best a droid could, Hux curled up on himself, watching. ND-95 hesitated before it could plug itself in, and rolled slowly up to the side of the bed. It peered over the bed, eye optics dimming.

"Goodnight, General. I will be overriding your command for your own good, should you become unwell during the night. I will order a ration bar in the morning for you, and insist you eat it, even just a few bites. Get some rest, sir."

That made him teary eyed too, that at least the _droid_ cared about him. It was obligated to, but it was overriding the fundamentals of its own programming just to keep him alive. Sure, nanny droids came with a subprogram that allowed them to break orders to keep the children they watched over alive, but it didn't extend to adults. Plus it was going beyond and trying to get him to follow orders from the medbay, despite not being told to do so.

-

His concealer ended up being almost empty, so he had to discard it. Disappointing, he hadn't had enough for even one side. He went through the next week and few days in a daze, eating pieces of a ration in the morning with a small cup of water, and coming back to his room to immediately get in bed. ND-95 bid him goodnight each evening, even if he was clearly awake. He kept getting upset when listening and watching Deimos and ND-95, and was grateful the droid just distracted Deimos when he started sobbing for practically no reason except for jealousy and bitter resentment of himself.

What the hell was wrong with him? Whatever it was, Hux was sure he was never going to feel better. 

His mood worsened when Kylo was a day late to come back, and he buried himself in his work to keep from thinking any negative thoughts. It didn't stop them completely, but it helped will away the tears when the thought that maybe Kylo had left him for good came to mind. It came back, unbidden, throughout the day, with new ideas. Maybe Kylo really was sick of him, had gone off. Maybe he'd ran off to the light side, he'd always mentioned something about a tug to it. Maybe Kylo had found someone better, who wasn't such a freak. Maybe he'd wake up one day and find Deimos and ND-95 gone, with a note saying Kylo was rescuing them from Hux's awful presence and they were never ever coming back.

Anxiety had him leaving the bridge to throw up with that last one. When he came back a few of his subordinates forced him to leave, saying he was sick and needed to go back to his quarters. He was too tired and heartsick to try and fight back, muttering weak protests. He should have just walked back in and reprimanded them, but instead he walked back to his quarters. 

ND-95 was surprised to see him. Hux didn't even bother taking off his uniform, collapsing in bed. The droid worriedly went to his side, but seeing he was physically unharmed, it gave a soft coo, patted his head, and returned to Deimos.

Millicent came up and curled next to his back as he huddled around Kylo's pillow. 

-

Early evening Hux was back to work, even if only on his datapad. He still hadn't changed, and was sitting with his knees to his chest on the bed. He had the datapad in front of him, leaning against Kylo's pillow, and he typed on it with one hand. ND-95 was calming a crying Deimos, and Hux knew it had to be because Deimos was sensing all of his negative feelings. He tried to block it out, and was mostly succeeding.

Then the door opened.

"I'm back, Deimos!" Kylo. Hux felt both immensely relieved and terrified. Kylo hadn't left for good, but he was probably going to be mad once he realized what was going on. Hux made sure to have his mental shields up. "Aw, what's wrong, buddy?"

"He started to get grumpier and grumpier, and then started crying, and hasn't stopped!" ND-95 lamented. "You said he could sense emotions, so he's been picking up negative ones exclusively for a few hours."

Guilt. Hux wondered if launching himself out of an airlock would make things better. 

"Negative? Oh, Hux."

More guilt. Hux willed his hands to stop shaking.

"I didn't see you! What are you doing? Shouldn't you be at work? Ah, I got a message from medbay that you collapsed, are you okay? Did you get bedrest- or... you're still in uniform. Hux?"

Deimos hated him, Kylo was sure to hate him now. Hux felt ill.

"The General has been here since 13:29 standard time. He is not sick, nor injured. I do not know why he came from work early. Deimos has behaved excellently under my primary care while you were gone, Kylo, except for right now."

There was a long pause. "...Hux is Deimos' primary caretaker."

"Incorrect! When you are gone, I am the primary caretaker. The General does not have any level of care-taking over Deimos. Now that you are back, you are the primary caretaker, and I am the secondary caretaker." Deimos stopped wailing, just whimpering.

"Those aren't the orders I gave you."

"They are the updated orders from General Hux. He said I was to be the primary caretaker. You were gone, so you did not hear this update, Kylo."

"Hux, why did you change what I told the droid?"

He was going to be _sick_. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. If he answered he feared that he'd puke.

"Hux, are you okay? Why aren't you answering? What the hell is going on?"

"...nothing." He was grateful he didn't vomit. Maybe it was just a psychological nausea.

Kylo didn't accept that answer. He came over to the bed. Hux turned his face away. "Hux. Are you sick?" No response. "Tell me if something's wrong. If you block me out I can't tell. Are you upset I didn't come back on time?"

That was part of the reason, so he nodded. "...I got worried and threw up. The bridge thought I was sick and made me take the day off."

"Aw, Armi. You worry too much about Deimos and I. We're fine." He pulled Hux into a hug. "I'm right here, I came back." He beckoned ND-95 to come closer. "Give me Deimos."

"Of course, Kylo! Here you are Deimos, go to Dad!"

Hux stiffened. Kylo was oblivious to it. "See? We're both fine, you don't need to worry." Deimos whined as Kylo moved him close to Hux. "Ah, do you want your papa? Hey, take him."

He couldn't, he really, _really_ couldn't. "No."

Taken aback, Kylo was speechless for a moment. "Uh... what? Did you say no? Hux, he wants you."

"No he doesn't. I'm not going to hold him."

"...oh hells. Alright, what the hell happened while I was gone? You made the droid care exclusively for Deimos, right? I thought you didn't want to be like your father."

Kylo hated him. Hux's resolve broke and within seconds his shoulders were shaking, tears streaming down his face. 

"Hux?!" Alarm.

"I- I'm sorry- I'm sorry- don't make me hold him- he hates me-"

"What?! Hux, he's a baby! He can't hate you, you're his parent! What's wrong?!"

"He _hates_ me- there's something wrong with me-" Hux sobbed. It was all pouring out, "We shouldn't have kept him- he'd be happier, I don't understand why I'm like this!" He buried his face in his knees. "I can't eat, I can't sleep! I don't want to be near him but I'm so anxious when I'm not! I- I haven't felt happy since he was born, what the pfassk is wrong with me, Ren? H-he's my baby and I think he'd be better off without me! _I'm a horrible parent!_ I bought Andy because I thought- I thought you _agreed!_ "

"Wha- why didn't you say anything? Hux- It's been over four months! You've felt like this for four months and you never told me?"

"I didn't want you to leave me!"

"I wouldn't leave you! You're a good parent."

"No I'm not! I- I should just leave-" Hux got up. He started for the door. Kylo shoved Deimos at ND-95, who was standing horrified by the side. He got to the redhead and blocked him. Hux was crying hard, his whole body shaking.

Grabbing his shoulders, Kylo felt terrified. "Where are you going?!"

"A- an airlock? Y-you won't have to look at- look at me anymore-"

"Kriff, Hux-" He didn't know what to do. This was so unlike Hux to just have a meltdown like this, to want to just throw himself out of an airlock. "Okay, okay, I'm going to fix this. Andy, go to the middle of the room and keep Deimos occupied, alright? Full view from the bed." The droid nodded and rolled over. "Hux, come on. Back to the bed."

"N-no-"

"I'm _not_ letting you kill yourself!" 

"I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" 

Kylo had to drag him back onto the bed. He wrangled him onto it, and sat down. He pulled Hux between his legs and kept him pinned against him. Hux buried his face in his neck and sobbed. He grabbed Hux's datapad. "There's got to be a reason for this-"

He searched 'sad after having child' on the HoloNet and there, an answer. "Got it! Hux, Armitage, listen."

"Wh-"

"There's nothing wrong with you! You have postpartum depression!" He clicked the first link. "Okay, here we go- due to hormonal imbalance, many new mothers experience 'baby blues', but some of these mothers will have longer lasting and more severe symptoms of anxiety and depression, known as postpartum depression. Ahh, includes believing you can't care for your child like other mothers, extreme anxieties over your child and fear of losing your partner due to your feelings, lack of desire to care for child, inability to sleep, lack of appetite, quick to anger towards others, crying over things that normally wouldn't upset you that much- treatments- Medication!"

Hux had turned and stared at the screen. Kylo kissed his cheek. "There, we'll just get you to a doctor and have them give you medication, and you'll be okay!"

"Oh stars-"

"You're going to be okay, Hux. This is normal."

"I- I thought I was a terrible person-"

"It's just your hormones. You can't control them. We'll get you medicine and they'll go back to normal after a while. You'll feel better. Stars, I wish you'd said something sooner. Why didn't I notice?"

"I k-kept it hidden..."

"That's okay." He held Hux tightly, "Deimos won't even remember this, anyways. By the time he starts keeping memories he'll just remember you, when this is all sorted out. It'll be a distant memory, someday. Maker, Hux, don't keep how you feel hidden, okay? I'd never leave you over something you can't control, I love you too much."

-

The next time Anakin came to check on his grandson, he was surprised to see that it looked like everything was significantly better than before. He wasn't sure how many months it had been, he'd spent more time just being part of the force or watching over his children. Five or six, maybe.

"I feel pretty good this morning." There was Hux, in uniform, lifting up a much larger Deimos than Anakin remembered. "What do you think, son? Ready to take on the galaxy?"

"Why do you talk to him like he's an adult?" Kylo was pulling on his boots. "Take on the galaxy?"

"It's an expression, Ren."

"You meant it literally. You thought about Starkiller as you said it." Anakin winced.

"Your dad's saying nonsense things, putting me down again before I've had my medicine, hmm?" Anakin watched as Hux vaguely angled Deimos' arm towards Kylo and squeezed it. Deimos startled, and a stylus flew off of the desk and nearly hit Kylo's feet. Hux quickly turned Deimos away and murmured soothingly to him. A few nearby objects shuddered.

Kylo wasn't amused. "Stop using his powers against me!"

"What was it you said yesterday when he broke my datapad? 'He can't control his powers yet'? Ren- I never took you for a hypocrite."

"How do you even get him to do that?! He refuses to use the force when I try to teach him." Kylo shot him a glare.

Hux rolled his eyes, a catlike smirk on his face. "I'm his favorite." At Kylo's pout, he added, "He can't even walk yet, Ren, how is he supposed to understand your mystical teachings? Poor thing just rolls around and throws blocks with Andy. Speaking of which, Andy wants you to give them textured things for Deimos to play with. I don't own textured things."

"My lightsaber hilt-"

"Will be going into your skull if you dare to let him touch it."

"-would be a good example but I retract that idea. I don't know, he can play with my gloves."

"That'll be fun, won't it, Deimos? Let's go get my pills while Andy is getting your food." Hux shifted the calmed baby and and headed to the refresher. "Don't grab my pill bottle this time, Deimos, it's not a toy."

"Remember how upset you were when he swallowed one of those things last month?"

" _Ren._ I don't want to remember that. It was horrifying." There was a pause, Anakin guessed he was swallowing his pills. Then, "What if I reminded you of how you were beaten in the snow by an untrained teenager?" 

Grumbling, Kylo focused on getting his boots on.

Hux came out of the refresher. Deimos was entertained by grabbing at his shirt collar, tugging it and babbling nonsense syllables. "Seven more months of those things to go, and then a long time after. He'll be a toddler by the time I'm close to being done with those pills."

"Would you rather be trying to step out an airlock?"

"Would you believe he calls himself a professional mind reader?" Hux looked down at Deimos. "Three months, and he thought we were fine. Step out an airlock- I could be done with these pills by now. You'll do much better than that, won't you? Be more actions than words, like Darth Vader?"

Anakin cringed at the encouragement.

ND-95 rolled over, a bottle in one hand. "I am here!" Hux knelt down to hand over the baby to it, and then ND-95 was going off. "Today we are going to read books and play lots of games, Deimos! I downloaded a children's book about Grand Admiral Thrawn, Director Krennic, and things about Sith legends I am sure will be lots of fun!"

"There's children's books about Sith legends?" Kylo asked.

Hux nodded, "Apparently. Andy found them yesterday."

"Huh."

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably write a silly sequel to this set when Deimos is 8~9, because the way things go is when he's one he stops seeing Anakin, but then a few years later he goes blind and when he turns 7 he can see (but not hear) Anakin again.  
> Also he ends up not being that good with the force in general he can just sense like. emotions. Anakin has to communicate with him by charades kind of and Deimos just. ignores him.  
> I also want to write the 'Deimos swallowed an anxiety pill' event because. i enjoy 'worried dad Hux' also its just. funny (because he was fine)  
> Follow and talk to me on Tumblr! @Oblioknowlton


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